When a meltdown starts, it is necessary to remove a person from the intolerable sensory input and to replace that with calming sensory input.
Away from Home
Carry a portable sensory Tool bag to help promote self-regulation and avoid meltdowns. Some items may include but are not limited to:
- Sunglasses
- Baseball cap or wide-brimmed hat
- Ice-cold water bottle with a sport cap for sucking (or an ice-cold juice box with a straw)
- Chewy snack, such as beef jerky, raisins or granola bar
- Hand lotion or lip balm
- A piece of soft fabric such as velour for rubbing on hands, or a stuffed animal
- Squeeze ball or koosh ball
- Flashlight
- Massager
- Gum/Mints
- Earphones for audio books or music
- Headphones
- Etch a Sketch or Doodle Pad
- Audio Books
- Lego Kits
- Timer
- Camelbak Water bottle
- Play-Doh
- Compression Clothing
- Vibrator
- Theraband
- Sand Timer
- Body Sock
- Caterpillar (shoulder pet)
When my son has a sensory meltdown at home, usually at the end of a busy day, I bring out the heavy artillery.
- Mini-trampoline
- Body Sock
- Silly putty, play dough or play slime
- Weighted blanket.
- Heating pad (very calming when placed on the back of the neck)
- Back rub or massage seat
- Ear, hand or foot massage
- Rocking chair, swing, slide or climbing structure
- Handheld massage ball.
- Giant exercise ball for sitting and bouncing.
- Lavender essential oil or chamomile essential oil (one drop behind the ears)
- Massage jet for the bathtub ( Pick one up on Amazon.com)
- Deep hugs or sandwiching between two body pillows
Your Child's Sensory Signals....
Holds It Together at School, Then Melts Down at Home
Sensory Explanation:
The school day is full of multi-sensory input, placing great demand and stress on the nervous system. This is especially difficult for those who struggle with sensory modulation and self-regulation. The child tries so hard to follow the rules of the classroom and to please the teacher and staff, as well as meet the social expectations of peers. When the child returns home from a long day of stress on the nervous system, a child may simply need to melt down to let it all out in an environment where the child feels safe, is not judged by others and can be with those who love and respect the sensory differences.
Ideas to Help!
• Respect this as a true sensory signal that the school day was overwhelming and incredibly challenging.
• Try not to lean towards the theory of “Why do they do this at home and not at school? Doesn’t that mean they can control it?"
• Offer a sensory retreat to help unwind and unload the sensory input from the day.
• Provide an indoor swing such as a hammock or cuddle swing, as swinging in slow, rhythmical planes of movement can be very calming and regulating.
• Invert the head.
• Provide full body deep pressure touch.
• Provide opportunities for proprioception.
• Decrease the amount of stimuli for at least an hour when the child gets home from school.
• Refrain from chores, homework, and other demands during the after-school hour.
~Angie Voss, OTR
For more great tips/advice from Angie Voss visit her FB page "Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals" @ https://www.facebook.com/pages/Understanding-Your-Childs-Sensory-Signals/226232787490900
Last fall, a concerned mother brought her 7-year-old son to my aerial yoga & mindfulness classes in hopes he could "learn to be calmer" because he was getting into loads of trouble in school and at home. The mother was distraught and the boy was losing faith in his own ability to control himself and his intense feelings and movement needs. It was heartbreaking to see him so uncomfortable in his own skin because I knew about him what I know about all kids: they always do their very best given their resources, environment and abilities. No exceptions. When he first came to yoga class, I noticed he couldn't sing "Om" for more than a few seconds before needing to take another breath, and any time he got excited, frustrated, worried—you name the emotion, his breathing pattern was erratic and his breaths...
quickened and shortened, like tiny sips of air which were never completely released. When this happened, his muscles tightened and his decision making abilities narrowed. Then his behavioral disruptions and discomfort in his own skin ensued.
That boy’s breathing pattern is much like the majority of kids in modern day society, and if you have a child of your own, it’s likely she or he does the same when stressed, if not regularly.
Last school semester, I taught 35 amazing kids ages 3-10 aerial yoga and mindfulness once a week for 6-12 weeks. Out of 35 kids, 32 of them had to be taught to do slow, deep belly breathing that allowed good movement of the diaphragm! That’s 91% of my students that were regularly breathing in a constricted way without much knowledge around how to change it, and ALL of those kids came from supportive, middle class-upper class families that teach healthy habits. At the class start, only two of the 35 were able to identify deep breathing as a coping technique for big feelings or as a strategy for increasing focus, and both of those kids only knew that because they are mine and were well coached. I understand my sample size is small, but the significance is not.
Due to increased stressors and toxins in the environment, increased time spent in slouched, hunched posture as well as decreased societal allowance for movement and physical activities, overstimulation abounds and breathing patterns have become shallower and quicker in today’s kids. Even well intending teachers in schools unknowingly further poor breathing patterns by asking kids to "hold a bubble of air in their mouths" or close their mouths and blow up their cheeks in effort to lower chatter and noise volume (which, by the way, completely disrupts that natural rhythm of breath and can actually increase anxiety and disruptive behavior in kids).
Kids in modern society don’t intuitively know that deep and mindful breathing can help them have healthier, calmer, happier lives. They must learn it. They sip on small pockets of breath, hold their breath often (especially when trying to concentrate on academics) and posture in positions that constrict the movement of the diaphragm, which all turns on the body's stress response. What concerns me most is that modern society's fast-pace, technology-thick, movement-depleted lifestyle is increasing their need for deep breathing without also offering them the opportunity to learn it. Today's kids need to know how to breathe even more than any generation before!
For optimal brain and body health and development, deep, slow, relaxation-type breathing must be taught to and practiced by kids, and it’s up to you, me and the rest of the proverbial village to be aware of the power of the breath and the inborn ability to breathe deeply for better health and happiness so you can teach them, too. Let's do this, my friend!
We arrive already knowing how to breathe: Babies come into the world knowing how to breathe. Can't you remember watching a sleeping babe's sweet belly inflating up on the inhale and floating back down with every exhale? Now, right now--without moving an inch--notice your own breath. What body part is it that inflates and releases? It’s usually not just your belly like those sleeping babies breathing so intuitively. It's your rib cage that expands on the inhale and for some, the shoulders rise up, too. More likely than not, your belly is pretty still or moves only slightly. That’s a shallower, thoracic breathing pattern that increases neck and shoulder tension and directly affects your blood pressure, psychological well-being and even gene expression.
The shallow, ribcage/shoulder elevation movement is the same type of movement that would happen if you were being chased by a hungry lion or if you were having a panic attack (to a lesser extent, but still the same mechanics). Imagine what adopting a regular breathing pattern much like that which happens in fight or flight does to your nervous system over time. For starters, it can make you more susceptible to low back pain, create a negative domino effect on your immune system and stimulate a chronic state of low-grade anxiety. As they say here in Texas, that's no bueno.
How the modern day lifestyle inhibits our kids' natural relaxation response: Modern day positioning such as hunching over at our computers, driving, and craning our necks down to our phone screens has collapsed our posture, compressed our diaphragms and retrained our breathing patterns to be a shorter, shallower breath than that deep, easy belly breathing we once knew when we came into the world.
The same poor posturing pattern is happening at a much earlier age to our kiddos as they, too, spend increasing periods of time hunched over their desks in rote academic work with less time for recess and movement. Recent data suggests kiddos today experience as many as 7 hours per day watching media and 5-6 hours per day doing academic work at their desks. That’s about 13 hours a day their necks and spines are most likely slumped downward toward media or school work and their little diaphragms are folded and pressed taut, restricting their breath and thus hobbling their health and well being!
In addition, today's kiddos are spending less and less time outdoors doing full body movement and free play that naturally gets the diaphragm moving, stimulates deep breathing and gets kids in different positions: upside down, hanging, and involved in aerobic activities. That big body movement naturally frees up the muscular restrictions of the diaphragm and encourages deeper breathing that heals and promotes health and mood regulation.
Our kids need hours and hours of movement and play every day. A 20 minute recess and an hour of soccer practice per day will not do it. I know we do our best as parents and educators in this over scheduled world-I have many challenges around that myself-but we need to be mindful of the hours of sitting, car commuting, media watching and academic periods that require static activity and foster shallow breathing patterns. Such sedentary routine has a snowball effect on development and actually decreases decision making and mood stability. If your life is not conducive to offering your kids lots of movement, don't give up, my friend. I've got your back on this with tips to come! Just get your child moving as much as you can, and beyond that, teach deep breathing and know they will be well supported that way!
Deep breathing is a scientifically proven salve for health, happiness and focus! I know, I know, you've heard the recommendation to breathe before. "Just breathe" seems to be the cliche of modern times, but I'm going to tell you again: deep breathing is essential, absolutely essential for today's kids. Both old and new science will back me up on that as it has been proven to affect asthma, the immune system, executive functioning (decision making and problem solving) of the brain, blood pressure, gastrointestinal functioning and new research even suggests it may actually affect gene expression! Best of all? No side effects!
Many kids, both those that are considered to be typically developing as well as kids with diagnoses such as Autism, Asperger’s, ADHD, anxiety disorders or sensory processing challenges actually have more rapid, shallow, natural breathing patterns that generally move just the rib cage and not the belly. Short, shallow breath patterns or holding the breath can increase or maintain poor attention or disruptive behavior while deep breathing can actually do the opposite for their symptoms.
It's accessible to anyone, easy, can be done anywhere and it's right under your nose! As a mama in today's world, I seek practical, budget friendly, easy tools that my kids won't grow out of tomorrow, and I know you need the same. Deep breathing is just that! Deep, slow breathing that inflates the abdomen on the inhale and allows the belly to fall back toward the spine on a slow, long exhale can be both a preventative measure and a calming tool for a moment of struggle or inability to focus. And for the practical parents out there like me, it’s free, has lifelong application and is completely accessible anytime, anywhere.
It's taught in both Easter and Western practices: Deep breathing and it's benefits are not some new fad. It's been practiced for thousands of years, but we are just now seeing some of the most incredible scientific evidence around it. In yoga, we call this practice of deep, intentional breathing Pranayama, which means the exercise or control of the life force. In occupational therapy we call this practice “deep breathing techniques” or “diaphragmatic breathing.” It's all the same stuff with similar benefits if practiced with an intention toward health and stress-management. When I see a technique that's both been used by ancient practitioners of wisdom and is backed up by science, I wake up and smell that coffee, because that's the ticket.
Outcome in my classes: Remember that little 7 year old boy in my classes that had a short, shallow breath practically all the time? Once he learned how to use his breath, it became his go-to for test anxiety, frustration and the like. With a combination of breathing, mindfulness and more movement, his home and school life became successful and calmer.
As far as the update goes on the kiddos in my class last semester, all of them practiced deep breathing at every class meeting in a fun way, and by the end of our sessions, all 35 of them knew how powerful their breath could be, both figuratively and literally. We moved ping-pong balls, built bubble mountains, played breath volleyball, and lengthened the sound of our "Om" all with the breath.
Some of them told me with empowered wisdom how they took 5 deep breaths at school before a test or just before a piano performance. They relayed their stories of insight and success with shifted perspective of how to float through whatever life entails by sailing upon the waves of their breath. Others may not have reported to me that they used it outside of my yoga studio over the course of my classes, but they acknowledged the tool was there for them whenever they needed it and they understood how to use their breath and change it to change the way they feel and function.
Deep breathing offers a valuable life lesson and empowering message to our kids: Best of all, and even more powerful than the physiological benefits is the belief and trust in the self and the empowering message deep breathing instills in kids. The message offered by deep breathing taught as a stress-management or health tool is this: that kids have the power within them to rise up to their own best potential, to choose to change how they feel in an instant, to cultivate health from within instead of relying on someone else to do it for them. The breath embodies the lesson that each child is capable to expand and grow in life. Literally, with each breath in, our bodies expand and are nourished, thus we are reminded of how we intuitively know how to take in what we need for growth and progress. Furthermore, the proof that each child has the ability to let go of what she no longer needs to hold is in the exhale, as the breath out literally releases what served them before, but does no longer.
The power is within. It's inside each and every child. It's in the ebb and flow of something they do about 18 times per minute day in and day out from the moment they arrive to the time they depart. The secret to optimal brain and body health for kids is in the breath.
All they need to do is breathe. And you can show them how.
That boy’s breathing pattern is much like the majority of kids in modern day society, and if you have a child of your own, it’s likely she or he does the same when stressed, if not regularly.
Last school semester, I taught 35 amazing kids ages 3-10 aerial yoga and mindfulness once a week for 6-12 weeks. Out of 35 kids, 32 of them had to be taught to do slow, deep belly breathing that allowed good movement of the diaphragm! That’s 91% of my students that were regularly breathing in a constricted way without much knowledge around how to change it, and ALL of those kids came from supportive, middle class-upper class families that teach healthy habits. At the class start, only two of the 35 were able to identify deep breathing as a coping technique for big feelings or as a strategy for increasing focus, and both of those kids only knew that because they are mine and were well coached. I understand my sample size is small, but the significance is not.
Due to increased stressors and toxins in the environment, increased time spent in slouched, hunched posture as well as decreased societal allowance for movement and physical activities, overstimulation abounds and breathing patterns have become shallower and quicker in today’s kids. Even well intending teachers in schools unknowingly further poor breathing patterns by asking kids to "hold a bubble of air in their mouths" or close their mouths and blow up their cheeks in effort to lower chatter and noise volume (which, by the way, completely disrupts that natural rhythm of breath and can actually increase anxiety and disruptive behavior in kids).
Kids in modern society don’t intuitively know that deep and mindful breathing can help them have healthier, calmer, happier lives. They must learn it. They sip on small pockets of breath, hold their breath often (especially when trying to concentrate on academics) and posture in positions that constrict the movement of the diaphragm, which all turns on the body's stress response. What concerns me most is that modern society's fast-pace, technology-thick, movement-depleted lifestyle is increasing their need for deep breathing without also offering them the opportunity to learn it. Today's kids need to know how to breathe even more than any generation before!
For optimal brain and body health and development, deep, slow, relaxation-type breathing must be taught to and practiced by kids, and it’s up to you, me and the rest of the proverbial village to be aware of the power of the breath and the inborn ability to breathe deeply for better health and happiness so you can teach them, too. Let's do this, my friend!
We arrive already knowing how to breathe: Babies come into the world knowing how to breathe. Can't you remember watching a sleeping babe's sweet belly inflating up on the inhale and floating back down with every exhale? Now, right now--without moving an inch--notice your own breath. What body part is it that inflates and releases? It’s usually not just your belly like those sleeping babies breathing so intuitively. It's your rib cage that expands on the inhale and for some, the shoulders rise up, too. More likely than not, your belly is pretty still or moves only slightly. That’s a shallower, thoracic breathing pattern that increases neck and shoulder tension and directly affects your blood pressure, psychological well-being and even gene expression.
The shallow, ribcage/shoulder elevation movement is the same type of movement that would happen if you were being chased by a hungry lion or if you were having a panic attack (to a lesser extent, but still the same mechanics). Imagine what adopting a regular breathing pattern much like that which happens in fight or flight does to your nervous system over time. For starters, it can make you more susceptible to low back pain, create a negative domino effect on your immune system and stimulate a chronic state of low-grade anxiety. As they say here in Texas, that's no bueno.
How the modern day lifestyle inhibits our kids' natural relaxation response: Modern day positioning such as hunching over at our computers, driving, and craning our necks down to our phone screens has collapsed our posture, compressed our diaphragms and retrained our breathing patterns to be a shorter, shallower breath than that deep, easy belly breathing we once knew when we came into the world.
The same poor posturing pattern is happening at a much earlier age to our kiddos as they, too, spend increasing periods of time hunched over their desks in rote academic work with less time for recess and movement. Recent data suggests kiddos today experience as many as 7 hours per day watching media and 5-6 hours per day doing academic work at their desks. That’s about 13 hours a day their necks and spines are most likely slumped downward toward media or school work and their little diaphragms are folded and pressed taut, restricting their breath and thus hobbling their health and well being!
In addition, today's kiddos are spending less and less time outdoors doing full body movement and free play that naturally gets the diaphragm moving, stimulates deep breathing and gets kids in different positions: upside down, hanging, and involved in aerobic activities. That big body movement naturally frees up the muscular restrictions of the diaphragm and encourages deeper breathing that heals and promotes health and mood regulation.
Our kids need hours and hours of movement and play every day. A 20 minute recess and an hour of soccer practice per day will not do it. I know we do our best as parents and educators in this over scheduled world-I have many challenges around that myself-but we need to be mindful of the hours of sitting, car commuting, media watching and academic periods that require static activity and foster shallow breathing patterns. Such sedentary routine has a snowball effect on development and actually decreases decision making and mood stability. If your life is not conducive to offering your kids lots of movement, don't give up, my friend. I've got your back on this with tips to come! Just get your child moving as much as you can, and beyond that, teach deep breathing and know they will be well supported that way!
Deep breathing is a scientifically proven salve for health, happiness and focus! I know, I know, you've heard the recommendation to breathe before. "Just breathe" seems to be the cliche of modern times, but I'm going to tell you again: deep breathing is essential, absolutely essential for today's kids. Both old and new science will back me up on that as it has been proven to affect asthma, the immune system, executive functioning (decision making and problem solving) of the brain, blood pressure, gastrointestinal functioning and new research even suggests it may actually affect gene expression! Best of all? No side effects!
Many kids, both those that are considered to be typically developing as well as kids with diagnoses such as Autism, Asperger’s, ADHD, anxiety disorders or sensory processing challenges actually have more rapid, shallow, natural breathing patterns that generally move just the rib cage and not the belly. Short, shallow breath patterns or holding the breath can increase or maintain poor attention or disruptive behavior while deep breathing can actually do the opposite for their symptoms.
It's accessible to anyone, easy, can be done anywhere and it's right under your nose! As a mama in today's world, I seek practical, budget friendly, easy tools that my kids won't grow out of tomorrow, and I know you need the same. Deep breathing is just that! Deep, slow breathing that inflates the abdomen on the inhale and allows the belly to fall back toward the spine on a slow, long exhale can be both a preventative measure and a calming tool for a moment of struggle or inability to focus. And for the practical parents out there like me, it’s free, has lifelong application and is completely accessible anytime, anywhere.
It's taught in both Easter and Western practices: Deep breathing and it's benefits are not some new fad. It's been practiced for thousands of years, but we are just now seeing some of the most incredible scientific evidence around it. In yoga, we call this practice of deep, intentional breathing Pranayama, which means the exercise or control of the life force. In occupational therapy we call this practice “deep breathing techniques” or “diaphragmatic breathing.” It's all the same stuff with similar benefits if practiced with an intention toward health and stress-management. When I see a technique that's both been used by ancient practitioners of wisdom and is backed up by science, I wake up and smell that coffee, because that's the ticket.
Outcome in my classes: Remember that little 7 year old boy in my classes that had a short, shallow breath practically all the time? Once he learned how to use his breath, it became his go-to for test anxiety, frustration and the like. With a combination of breathing, mindfulness and more movement, his home and school life became successful and calmer.
As far as the update goes on the kiddos in my class last semester, all of them practiced deep breathing at every class meeting in a fun way, and by the end of our sessions, all 35 of them knew how powerful their breath could be, both figuratively and literally. We moved ping-pong balls, built bubble mountains, played breath volleyball, and lengthened the sound of our "Om" all with the breath.
Some of them told me with empowered wisdom how they took 5 deep breaths at school before a test or just before a piano performance. They relayed their stories of insight and success with shifted perspective of how to float through whatever life entails by sailing upon the waves of their breath. Others may not have reported to me that they used it outside of my yoga studio over the course of my classes, but they acknowledged the tool was there for them whenever they needed it and they understood how to use their breath and change it to change the way they feel and function.
Deep breathing offers a valuable life lesson and empowering message to our kids: Best of all, and even more powerful than the physiological benefits is the belief and trust in the self and the empowering message deep breathing instills in kids. The message offered by deep breathing taught as a stress-management or health tool is this: that kids have the power within them to rise up to their own best potential, to choose to change how they feel in an instant, to cultivate health from within instead of relying on someone else to do it for them. The breath embodies the lesson that each child is capable to expand and grow in life. Literally, with each breath in, our bodies expand and are nourished, thus we are reminded of how we intuitively know how to take in what we need for growth and progress. Furthermore, the proof that each child has the ability to let go of what she no longer needs to hold is in the exhale, as the breath out literally releases what served them before, but does no longer.
The power is within. It's inside each and every child. It's in the ebb and flow of something they do about 18 times per minute day in and day out from the moment they arrive to the time they depart. The secret to optimal brain and body health for kids is in the breath.
All they need to do is breathe. And you can show them how.
Taken from: http://www.yogapeutics.com/blog/the-secret-to-a-healthy-childhood-is-right-under-your-kids-nose
Having a child that demonstrates physically aggressive behavior when you are a parent that teaches otherwise is like a blindsided punch, and it hits right where it hurts most: our big 'ol hearts.
As a mama, I've personally lived the reality of this one, and I've had so many parents reaching out for support on this subject that I know I'm not alone here. Neither are you.
Neurodevelopmentally speaking, it's typical for young kids to have just a little gray area between calm, cool and collected and and upset, but it's really tough when your child's version of upset is likened to a child warrior.
It was a kick in the head when my young child began demonstrating aggressive behavior despite the fact I take great care to avoid physical aggression in our home and teach otherwise.
I used my occupational therapy experience and my yoga practice wisdom to make as many mindful adjustments I could to our family environment and our daily schedule. This lessened the aggressive behavior significantly and brought it to a place where we could all manage it with healthy coping techniques, but the initial impulse toward aggression didn't and still hasn't completely disappeared. And that's okay.
Some sun salutations and mindfulness practice helped me feel okay with the fact that I can't completely control every environment, how my daughter feels in her body and how she reacts to everything. That's her work to do for herself and her path to walk.
Offering her healthy coping strategies and calm support while also being okay about not "fixing" her every struggle is my work and my journey to travel. Maybe it's yours, too.
If so, I want to share my short-list of mind & body strategy favs with you 'cause I love to share good stuff that helps our kiddos feel good in their own skin. Also, we could use a little more kindness and supportive community on this journey of raising kids in today's world. I'll do my best to pull my own weight in this effort.
These suggestions are from my field of expertise, but I'm not an expert for your child. You are. Honor what works best for you and your own family, and take what I have here and modify it in whatever way feels most well aligned with your parenting philosophies and practical everyday life.
Now, let's tackle aggression with some brain and body techniques!
As a mama, I've personally lived the reality of this one, and I've had so many parents reaching out for support on this subject that I know I'm not alone here. Neither are you.
Neurodevelopmentally speaking, it's typical for young kids to have just a little gray area between calm, cool and collected and and upset, but it's really tough when your child's version of upset is likened to a child warrior.
It was a kick in the head when my young child began demonstrating aggressive behavior despite the fact I take great care to avoid physical aggression in our home and teach otherwise.
I used my occupational therapy experience and my yoga practice wisdom to make as many mindful adjustments I could to our family environment and our daily schedule. This lessened the aggressive behavior significantly and brought it to a place where we could all manage it with healthy coping techniques, but the initial impulse toward aggression didn't and still hasn't completely disappeared. And that's okay.
Some sun salutations and mindfulness practice helped me feel okay with the fact that I can't completely control every environment, how my daughter feels in her body and how she reacts to everything. That's her work to do for herself and her path to walk.
Offering her healthy coping strategies and calm support while also being okay about not "fixing" her every struggle is my work and my journey to travel. Maybe it's yours, too.
If so, I want to share my short-list of mind & body strategy favs with you 'cause I love to share good stuff that helps our kiddos feel good in their own skin. Also, we could use a little more kindness and supportive community on this journey of raising kids in today's world. I'll do my best to pull my own weight in this effort.
These suggestions are from my field of expertise, but I'm not an expert for your child. You are. Honor what works best for you and your own family, and take what I have here and modify it in whatever way feels most well aligned with your parenting philosophies and practical everyday life.
Now, let's tackle aggression with some brain and body techniques!
Consider that aggression is a type of self-soothing (albeit, an unhealthy one).
Aggression is generally a self-protective response by kids who are, for any myriad of reasons, feeling uncomfortable in their own minds and/or bodies.
Don't be fooled by a child's tough facade. A child showing aggression is a child that's struggling inside.
From a sensory processing lens, the body movement and sensory information provided by bitting, hitting, pushing, pulling or scratching is technically joint compression and joint traction as well as muscle stretching and contraction.
This input to the joints and muscles can essentially help move the feelings out and regulate inner struggle.
Unless they've been taught to have other healthier physical outlets, kids take easiest and simplest route to feel better in the moment, which may unfortunately be to karate chop the nearest living being. That's not gonna bode well for them on down the line.
To develop a child's emotional intelligence and coping techniques beyond instant reflexive karate chop reaction, we have to teach them how to shift what they are already doing (hitting, biting, pushing, pulling, scratching, etc) into something that is more acceptable, but still offers the same physical sensation.
Allow a physical release of some kind that is similar to the physical aggression they tend toward.
Once they have that physical release, they need a few supportive techniques to shift out of an emotional overwhelm and get to a better place for making decisions.
Here's how:
Aggression is generally a self-protective response by kids who are, for any myriad of reasons, feeling uncomfortable in their own minds and/or bodies.
Don't be fooled by a child's tough facade. A child showing aggression is a child that's struggling inside.
From a sensory processing lens, the body movement and sensory information provided by bitting, hitting, pushing, pulling or scratching is technically joint compression and joint traction as well as muscle stretching and contraction.
This input to the joints and muscles can essentially help move the feelings out and regulate inner struggle.
Unless they've been taught to have other healthier physical outlets, kids take easiest and simplest route to feel better in the moment, which may unfortunately be to karate chop the nearest living being. That's not gonna bode well for them on down the line.
To develop a child's emotional intelligence and coping techniques beyond instant reflexive karate chop reaction, we have to teach them how to shift what they are already doing (hitting, biting, pushing, pulling, scratching, etc) into something that is more acceptable, but still offers the same physical sensation.
Allow a physical release of some kind that is similar to the physical aggression they tend toward.
Once they have that physical release, they need a few supportive techniques to shift out of an emotional overwhelm and get to a better place for making decisions.
Here's how:
First, offer a physical release:
Offer a physical alternative to hitting, biting, hair pulling, scratching, etc. If it's acceptable to you, let your child physically resist you in a way that doesn't hurt you.
Here's the how-to:
He can squeeze you with his whole hand. Not a twisty-arm-burn or a nails digging into your skin kind of squeeze, but a whole palm squeeze that just gives you a little "deep tissue massage" while he's at it (Bonus! Free deep tissue massage! You're welcome.)
To try it, have your child place his whole palm around your forearm or around two fingers of your hand. Heck, even his arms around your thigh or both of his arms around your hips will work. Now allow him to squeeze you with all his might. That outta do it. Try it. It doesn't hurt.
The trick is, you need to practice this strategy ahead of time with your kids when they are feeling happy and in a calm state of mind. Practice several times in advance and show them how they can squeeze you or physically resist you the next time they get the urge to go all ninja on you in the grocery store. Then in the moment remind them with a few words, "You may squeeze me like we practiced."
As an alternative, see my picture below? Have your child push her whole body into you as hard as she can. "Push me!" I offer up my palms as I step in between karate kids. The transformation is instantaneous.
Here's the how-to:
He can squeeze you with his whole hand. Not a twisty-arm-burn or a nails digging into your skin kind of squeeze, but a whole palm squeeze that just gives you a little "deep tissue massage" while he's at it (Bonus! Free deep tissue massage! You're welcome.)
To try it, have your child place his whole palm around your forearm or around two fingers of your hand. Heck, even his arms around your thigh or both of his arms around your hips will work. Now allow him to squeeze you with all his might. That outta do it. Try it. It doesn't hurt.
The trick is, you need to practice this strategy ahead of time with your kids when they are feeling happy and in a calm state of mind. Practice several times in advance and show them how they can squeeze you or physically resist you the next time they get the urge to go all ninja on you in the grocery store. Then in the moment remind them with a few words, "You may squeeze me like we practiced."
As an alternative, see my picture below? Have your child push her whole body into you as hard as she can. "Push me!" I offer up my palms as I step in between karate kids. The transformation is instantaneous.
How offering a physical release works for me: My kiddo transitioned to this strategy within a few tries and has needed to do it less and less the older she gets and the more we practice it. If she gets very overwhelmed and tries to scratch and pinch me or someone else (her old standby), I will get down BELOW her eye level and tell her in a calm, quiet voice, "You may squeeze me if it helps you feel better. You may not hurt me. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, and I won't let anyone hurt me, either."
That's what works for me and mine, and it's the easiest and least socially awkward to do when we are out in public so it's generally our default strategy.
Sometimes she gets tired of the same old, same old so I mix it up and offer her the chance to try to push me over from my back (I resist, of course) or to try to push into my palms with all her might.
Just so you know, this is how I get my resistance training and keep my muscles from going to mush during parenthood. Kidding (not kidding).
That's what works for me and mine, and it's the easiest and least socially awkward to do when we are out in public so it's generally our default strategy.
Sometimes she gets tired of the same old, same old so I mix it up and offer her the chance to try to push me over from my back (I resist, of course) or to try to push into my palms with all her might.
Just so you know, this is how I get my resistance training and keep my muscles from going to mush during parenthood. Kidding (not kidding).
After a physical release use any of these:
Find a calm space. This can be an already established space in your home environment that has little visual, auditory or tactile information (like a tent or corner under the stairs), it can be going with your child outdoors for some fresh air or it can be just moving the child away from sight, sound and touch of whatever or whomever set your child's engine to overheat.
If you are in a store, a car or out in the community, moving outside or away from a crowd can be your calm space.
If you are in a store, a car or out in the community, moving outside or away from a crowd can be your calm space.
Cool them off. Figuratively speaking, anger and aggression are often correlated with heat and fiery metaphors. So what simmers heat down and puts out a fire? Cold and water!
You can use cool temperature and/or water as a sensory strategy to shift the mind's focus.
Have you ever splashed cold water on your face when waking up? For many, doing so helps the brain transition from a sleepy state to a more awake state. As long as your child doesn't have an aversion to it, cool temperatures can help a child's brain transition from aggression to a calmer state, too.
You can use this strategy preventatively or after the physical release. You might want to offer your child a glass of cold water to drink, a cold pack from the freezer or a cold teething ring for biting if they are younger. I really love to offer a cup of ice chips for crunching, which offers both calming joint compression of the jaw and the distraction of the cold at the same time, or a popsicle (we use homemade frozen smoothie popsicles) that both provides a soothing cool temp and something to lick or bite. A two-for-one!
You can use cool temperature and/or water as a sensory strategy to shift the mind's focus.
Have you ever splashed cold water on your face when waking up? For many, doing so helps the brain transition from a sleepy state to a more awake state. As long as your child doesn't have an aversion to it, cool temperatures can help a child's brain transition from aggression to a calmer state, too.
You can use this strategy preventatively or after the physical release. You might want to offer your child a glass of cold water to drink, a cold pack from the freezer or a cold teething ring for biting if they are younger. I really love to offer a cup of ice chips for crunching, which offers both calming joint compression of the jaw and the distraction of the cold at the same time, or a popsicle (we use homemade frozen smoothie popsicles) that both provides a soothing cool temp and something to lick or bite. A two-for-one!
Stop and smell the essential oils. I began to use the olfactory sense (the sense of smell) in my yoga classes to help kids maintain focus and attention because research indicates beneficial and almost immediate effects of specific essential oils on mood, attention and stress.
Preliminary studies demonstrate that lemon essential oil can help improve mood, reduce stress (by playing a role in lowing stress hormones in the body) and also help shift the brain from a groggy state to a more awake state.
As I started to use a few drops of essential oils on cotton balls and presented them to the kids to smell for 2-3 deep breaths, I began to see increased ability to focus and attend during meditation, and the kids would often smile and say "Mmmmmm!" and be more engaged in what I was asking them to do. Smelling is fun, after all!
The benefits of offering yummy smells is actually twofold: both for the mental shift smells can elicit, but also because intentionally smelling something facilitates a deep breathing pattern, and deep breathing can help kids come out of fight or flight faster.
How to: Take an essential oil your child confirms he or she loves. The scent can be any pure essential oil (which you can buy at some holistic grocery stores or online for around $5), but after trying many different scents, the most popular ones with the kids in my classes are peppermint, and lemon (these are hands down the favorite two), cinnamon, lavender and orange essential oils. Place a few drops of your child's favorite (every kid has a different preference, be sure to test it out first) on a cotton ball. Put the cotton ball in a ziplock bag to have on hand when needed.
Allow your child to have this smell available to help cool down after an aggressive moment and help shift state of mind. Just a few deep breaths in through the nose can helps shift how your child is feeling!
Don't overdo it. Essential oils are pretty powerful, and too much of a good thing can be overwhelming to the sensory system. A few deep breaths is all that is needed to help your child shift mentally.
Preliminary studies demonstrate that lemon essential oil can help improve mood, reduce stress (by playing a role in lowing stress hormones in the body) and also help shift the brain from a groggy state to a more awake state.
As I started to use a few drops of essential oils on cotton balls and presented them to the kids to smell for 2-3 deep breaths, I began to see increased ability to focus and attend during meditation, and the kids would often smile and say "Mmmmmm!" and be more engaged in what I was asking them to do. Smelling is fun, after all!
The benefits of offering yummy smells is actually twofold: both for the mental shift smells can elicit, but also because intentionally smelling something facilitates a deep breathing pattern, and deep breathing can help kids come out of fight or flight faster.
How to: Take an essential oil your child confirms he or she loves. The scent can be any pure essential oil (which you can buy at some holistic grocery stores or online for around $5), but after trying many different scents, the most popular ones with the kids in my classes are peppermint, and lemon (these are hands down the favorite two), cinnamon, lavender and orange essential oils. Place a few drops of your child's favorite (every kid has a different preference, be sure to test it out first) on a cotton ball. Put the cotton ball in a ziplock bag to have on hand when needed.
Allow your child to have this smell available to help cool down after an aggressive moment and help shift state of mind. Just a few deep breaths in through the nose can helps shift how your child is feeling!
Don't overdo it. Essential oils are pretty powerful, and too much of a good thing can be overwhelming to the sensory system. A few deep breaths is all that is needed to help your child shift mentally.
Get outside, and keep moving and playing!
Period. Simple as that. Movement helps release overwhelming emotion or overstimulation of sensory input.
Naturally, I like to get my kiddos outside for some yoga or a swing in the hammock, but any movement that your child likes to do will help.
Generally, nature is soothing and calming to the nervous system. Let 'em outside as much as you can, and allow some free play so they can unwind from daily strssors!
Period. Simple as that. Movement helps release overwhelming emotion or overstimulation of sensory input.
Naturally, I like to get my kiddos outside for some yoga or a swing in the hammock, but any movement that your child likes to do will help.
Generally, nature is soothing and calming to the nervous system. Let 'em outside as much as you can, and allow some free play so they can unwind from daily strssors!
For the adult to implement:
I feel determined to add in this section on how to support the adult, because a child's emotions and reactions are so intricately tied into the adult's emotions and vice versa. I know this one for myself, but also from a decade's worth of families with whom I've worked and helped facilitate change. We are all so intricately connected, and we can absolutely facilitate positive shifts in others just by positively supporting ourselves.
It's essential you do whatever you need to do to stay (or try to stay) regulated for yourself. I know, easier said than done, right? Don't worry, you don't have to be perfect at it. You just have to try.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
You've got this.
It's essential you do whatever you need to do to stay (or try to stay) regulated for yourself. I know, easier said than done, right? Don't worry, you don't have to be perfect at it. You just have to try.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
You've got this.
Use a sensory strategy for yourself! Stretch or do 10 little jumps in place, go outside, smell the cotton ball of oil you were saving for your child, or take a sip of cold lemon water. Decide ahead of time what works for you to keep yourself calm and make a plan to try it out next time.
How it might look in real life: For me, I find that keeping a pair of noise decreasing earmuffs handy (ear plugs don't quite do the trick) lowers the volume level enough so I can hear myself think and stay sane when my child is being a--well, a child.
Plus, no matter how many times I've used them I always feel ridiculous in them, which also shifts my emotion from feeling too upset.
My kids actually think I look pretty funny in them, too, and sometimes just me putting them on makes them pause a midst the chaos, which is enough to redirect aggression.
Go ahead, giggle at my unconventional angle. It is pretty funny, honestly. So funny it keeps me laughing when I might otherwise be throwing my own tantrum.
Like many parents, you may shrug it off and tell me noise doesn't bother you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Noise doesn't bother me, either. Unless it's my kiddo's voice in pain, struggle, anger or worse: both of my girls in a tangle with each other. Then I'm a triggered mama that can't quite think as straight as I'd like.
Hands down, these earmuffs were the best $21 parenthood investment I've ever made. But don't worry, I don't take the earmuffs out of the house, and I wouldn't expect you to, either.
When I'm out in the community, I tend to do things like chew gum or suck on a mint to help stay calm (chewing and sucking are calming sensory strategies to many people).
How it might look in real life: For me, I find that keeping a pair of noise decreasing earmuffs handy (ear plugs don't quite do the trick) lowers the volume level enough so I can hear myself think and stay sane when my child is being a--well, a child.
Plus, no matter how many times I've used them I always feel ridiculous in them, which also shifts my emotion from feeling too upset.
My kids actually think I look pretty funny in them, too, and sometimes just me putting them on makes them pause a midst the chaos, which is enough to redirect aggression.
Go ahead, giggle at my unconventional angle. It is pretty funny, honestly. So funny it keeps me laughing when I might otherwise be throwing my own tantrum.
Like many parents, you may shrug it off and tell me noise doesn't bother you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Noise doesn't bother me, either. Unless it's my kiddo's voice in pain, struggle, anger or worse: both of my girls in a tangle with each other. Then I'm a triggered mama that can't quite think as straight as I'd like.
Hands down, these earmuffs were the best $21 parenthood investment I've ever made. But don't worry, I don't take the earmuffs out of the house, and I wouldn't expect you to, either.
When I'm out in the community, I tend to do things like chew gum or suck on a mint to help stay calm (chewing and sucking are calming sensory strategies to many people).
Find your mantra: Thanks to some really lovely lessons from my yoga teachers, I also keep a mantra going in my head that correlates to my breathing.
When I'm feeling myself fire up, I focus on my exhale. I imagine literally breathing out any tension or frustration in my body that doesn't serve the situation, and I keep the mantra going in my mind "I choose to let go of what doesn't serve me," which is the long version of my mantra. In the moment I shorten it to "let it go," and then promptly and involuntarily start thinking the lyrics of the Frozen tune of the same title, so that isn't always a perfect outcome, but it does work.
This breathing mantra helps me remember to take deeper breaths, too, which is every bit as good for calming an edgy nervous system as anything else.
But that's me. What words resonate with you to keep you even-keeled? Determine them and use them.
When I'm feeling myself fire up, I focus on my exhale. I imagine literally breathing out any tension or frustration in my body that doesn't serve the situation, and I keep the mantra going in my mind "I choose to let go of what doesn't serve me," which is the long version of my mantra. In the moment I shorten it to "let it go," and then promptly and involuntarily start thinking the lyrics of the Frozen tune of the same title, so that isn't always a perfect outcome, but it does work.
This breathing mantra helps me remember to take deeper breaths, too, which is every bit as good for calming an edgy nervous system as anything else.
But that's me. What words resonate with you to keep you even-keeled? Determine them and use them.
Visualize the emotional stability you want for yourself:
My Austin-based colleague who is an incredibly talented parenting specialist, Bethany Prescott, once offered up a wonderful visualization I use quite a bit because I really respond well to imagery.
Bethany offered the suggestion to imagine that my child is out (safely) floating on a raft in the Ocean of BIG Emotion. She's tethered by rope to me, her anchor on the shore. It's my job to stay rooted and strong in the earth on the beach. If I choose to let myself uproot and get pulled into the water, I will be swept away by currents of emotions, too. Essentially we will both be carried away by the waves of our feelings if I uproot, but if I can stay anchored, she can pull herself in to me and find solid ground and even keel.
It's a lovely metaphor for how kids co-regulate off of a parent's emotions (they totally do), and I use imagery like that for myself pretty often. The more I practice, the better the imagery works.
But you don't have to use that example. Just think of one thing that represents even keel and consistency to you (the sun always shining, a tree that is rooted deeply into the ground, etc.) and use imagery that supports your own journey.
Imagine you have the ability to have that kind of always sustaining stability until one day you realize you actually do.
My Austin-based colleague who is an incredibly talented parenting specialist, Bethany Prescott, once offered up a wonderful visualization I use quite a bit because I really respond well to imagery.
Bethany offered the suggestion to imagine that my child is out (safely) floating on a raft in the Ocean of BIG Emotion. She's tethered by rope to me, her anchor on the shore. It's my job to stay rooted and strong in the earth on the beach. If I choose to let myself uproot and get pulled into the water, I will be swept away by currents of emotions, too. Essentially we will both be carried away by the waves of our feelings if I uproot, but if I can stay anchored, she can pull herself in to me and find solid ground and even keel.
It's a lovely metaphor for how kids co-regulate off of a parent's emotions (they totally do), and I use imagery like that for myself pretty often. The more I practice, the better the imagery works.
But you don't have to use that example. Just think of one thing that represents even keel and consistency to you (the sun always shining, a tree that is rooted deeply into the ground, etc.) and use imagery that supports your own journey.
Imagine you have the ability to have that kind of always sustaining stability until one day you realize you actually do.
Practice gratitude for your child's gentle moments: If we label our kids as aggressive, that can become the expectation and a self-narrative for them, even if that's not our intention.
How we see our kids directly affects the expectations we place on them and the way we interact with them and thus, how they behave.
If you struggle with a child that demonstrates aggression, begin a daily practice of naming 5 moments that day when your child demonstrated a behavior that was gentle, calm or heartwarming. Even small things like: "my child smiled kindly at a friend" count toward this practice.
It doesn't have to be some world-saving effort, it just needs to be an increased awareness of their small, everyday gentle actions. The more you focus on your child's gentle, regulated moments, the more you are going to discover his growing abilities to be gentle and self-regulated, and you'll begin to notice strengths you may have overlooked without this practice.
It's amazing the relationship transformation you'll receive from just this practice alone!
How we see our kids directly affects the expectations we place on them and the way we interact with them and thus, how they behave.
If you struggle with a child that demonstrates aggression, begin a daily practice of naming 5 moments that day when your child demonstrated a behavior that was gentle, calm or heartwarming. Even small things like: "my child smiled kindly at a friend" count toward this practice.
It doesn't have to be some world-saving effort, it just needs to be an increased awareness of their small, everyday gentle actions. The more you focus on your child's gentle, regulated moments, the more you are going to discover his growing abilities to be gentle and self-regulated, and you'll begin to notice strengths you may have overlooked without this practice.
It's amazing the relationship transformation you'll receive from just this practice alone!
Mindfully reflect as a collaborative team: After the fact, you can do a few things to reflect on what happened and how you might go about things differently next time. Make a plan when your child is feeling happy. Draw out the steps of the plan together.
Don't skip this piece. It's a crucial one, as it puts you and the child on the same team, and it teaches kids how to build problem solving skills they will need for life.
Be mindful of the kind of aggressive behavior your child is doing because it give you clues as to what movement will calm your child.
For instance, if you child bites others, he or she might be calmed by chewing gum or biting on a chew bracelet or a water bottle spout. If your child is hitting, she might be calmed by deep pressure into her hands and arms (like pushing against a wall or an adult body). If your child is kicking, he might be calmed by jumping or stomping hard or pressing his legs firmly into a cushion or pillow. Use this information to create your awesome plan together.
Don't skip this piece. It's a crucial one, as it puts you and the child on the same team, and it teaches kids how to build problem solving skills they will need for life.
Be mindful of the kind of aggressive behavior your child is doing because it give you clues as to what movement will calm your child.
For instance, if you child bites others, he or she might be calmed by chewing gum or biting on a chew bracelet or a water bottle spout. If your child is hitting, she might be calmed by deep pressure into her hands and arms (like pushing against a wall or an adult body). If your child is kicking, he might be calmed by jumping or stomping hard or pressing his legs firmly into a cushion or pillow. Use this information to create your awesome plan together.
Big Picture Considerations:
There is always a bigger picture to aggression. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but some other things to consider are: Diet and nutrition, sleep, being overscheduled or overstimulated by the environment, toxins or irritants in the environment and not receiving the physical activity and free play the individual needs on a daily basis. Simple changes to sleep, schedules, environmental factors or diet can really make an enormous difference.
So tell me, friends what are some brain and body strategies that have worked for you? Lemme know in the comments below! I read and appreciate every single one!
So tell me, friends what are some brain and body strategies that have worked for you? Lemme know in the comments below! I read and appreciate every single one!
http://www.yogapeutics.com/blog/5-unbelievably-simple-brain-body-strategies-that-work-for-kids-with-aggressive-behavior
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